My thoughts on the process of finding my purpose of being a blogger

People started having blogs when I was around 17, 18 years old to share their memories and what they did during the day with friends and family. For some reason, that idea of having blogs transformed into this marketable, materialistic and so called "insta-famous" blog that everybody is trying to achieve. I find there's no fun in it anymore. Blogging or other social media became platforms for companies to strategically calculate and market their products so that people would consume. And these so called bloggers become a median that boost the companies to sell their products. So, money became involved in the process where "my favorite beauty products" became "my-anyhow-favorite-beauty-products-sponsored-by-this-and-this-companies". I'm not saying that all beauty bloggers had become like that. Some bloggers just genuinely share their favourite products online where everybody could see and try out. For some, getting sponsorship or free PR from companies, becoming very famous by having x million subscribers on YouTube, having x million blog views per day, earning a few tens of thousands of dollar per month were the goals that everybody wish to achieve a month or so after creating their blog or YouTube channels. It became the norm so quickly that if a blogger is not getting views, they become very stressed out and try to achieve several ways to get those views.

But the reality is harsh. It is so difficult to get views and subscribers these days with all the competition among the beauty and lifestyle community. In order to gain more views/subscribers, bloggers tend to group together and create collabs, sharing sessions, creating facebook groups, commenting on famous channels and say "New YouTuber here! We should sub for sub!" It become so damn full of greed and negativity so quickly that it's the norm in every platform now. 

Don't get me wrong. When I first started, I just wanted to share things that I like without thinking of monetizing or yet alone getting sponsorship. Along the way, I got lost and that purpose had disappeared right in front of me. I became obsessed with numbers. After creating content on my channel, I gained a few subscribers that watched and comment on my channel every time I upload on my channel yet also I also gained a few people that talk negative on my channel. But the views are not getting. I get like less than 100 views per video and it started making me very anxious. After a while, I started become depressed for not making effort to create better content. At that time, I totally lost my main purpose on why I started creating my channel and my blog. I was so focused on gaining views so that I can make money out of and maybe get a bit of sponsorship or collab with companies in the future. 

When I realized that I'm in depression, I totally stopped doing what I did and focus on one thing at a time carefully. At that time, I just finished my final year project and my bachelor degree. Travelling to Japan opened my eyes for the first time and I started having this desire to know more. I want to know more about this place, their culture, their history and how people in the country live their lives. I started thirsting for knowledge. I want to become a person that lives in different countries, speaking their languages, know their cultures and communicate with them more directly. That's also one of the reason I decided to go on post-graduate studies.  

I tried to de-clutter my thoughts. I let go of the things that make me miserable. I then again found my purpose of why I do on what I do, sharing things without greed, without numbers, without money. I just want to share on what I am thinking and how my tips might help just for one person. If not, it might help me in the future, who knows. 

So, I'll try to post things whenever I can. I want to focus on my studies for this time without being depressed for something that is not really important in my life. I'll continue sharing things whenever I can just without having a proper schedule. 

Thank you so much for reading. Good luck!       

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